Growing pains

Well, baby boy is with us now.  Previous foster mom moved him over Friday, the 12th.  I could tell it was hard on her; when she went to leave he cried and reached for her so she had to keep wiping her eyes and trying not to cry.  He was fine after she left, though.
Now, if we could only get him to sleep on a regular schedule.  We get him to sleep and when we (mostly me anyway) try to put him down in his bed he wakes up and cries. He also cries to be held a lot.  I think maybe he is still not adjusted to living with us full time (instead of the weekends that we started out with).  Hopefully we can work that out soon.
We were supposed to get the paperwork done on the 15th, which I thought was odd since it was a holiday.  So I brought that up to the social worker and she realized she’d forgotten it was a holiday and rescheduled for Tuesday.  But with all the winter weather (and snow!) we had last week, we ended up not doing it until after work Friday.  And with the weather and the holiday Monday, they were out of school all week until Friday.
As for the older brothers, they don’t seem to be taking it all too well.  Most likely out of jealousy (A did admit to it when asked), they just refuse to listen to us anymore.  And after all these months of A coming home with his paper from daycare with “Good” circled, yesterday it wasn’t so good (don’t remember the exact wording that was circled) and the note said that he refused to follow rules of the classroom.  Husband even had to visit the school because of J’s behavior.  Hopefully this can all get worked out soon.
Even though we have told them that M lives here now, I’m not sure they totally believe or understand.  When former foster mom and dad came Sunday to drop off a few things, they thought that they were there to pick him up.  And even though still no contact with grandpa due to the investigation, husband told me that when he had to go to bring J to school using a different route yesterday, J asked if they were going to see his grandpa.
Tomorrow makes one year they’ve been in the system.  They are supposed to go to court to try to begin TPR proceedings.  Social worker had tried before, but she had been told by the judge to wait for the one year mark.
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Long time, no post…

Wow, I didn’t realize it had been so long since I’ve posted.  So much has happened.  Back in October, the boys’ grandpa showed up to my house (not supposed to have any contact) trying to get info from me about what was going on (he’s being investigated for what J claims he did but he doesn’t know what that is).  I was a little nervous, being at home alone with the boys, but before he even came I’d sent them to their rooms and luckily they never made a noise or came out while he was there.  Anyway, he got a lawyer so he could see them again and we had a visit (Monday, October 30) with him and them and the half-brother (unrelated to grandpa) at the dcfs then maybe that week sometime they decided the claim was valid and we would cut off communication again.  He went offshore for two weeks so he wasn’t going to see them again for two weeks anyway, so they took their time letting him know anything, even then it might have been when he called them to find out about the next visit.

 

So even while he was offshore and a few weeks after that they had us and the half brother meet at dcfs so the brothers could spend time together.    Then November 18 (a Saturday) we started overnight/weekend visits with M coming to sleep over.  For Christmas weekend, he spend Christmas eve with us and they picked him up that day so they had him the day of.  Then New Year’s weekend I had the Monday off, so I also took the Tuesday off and he was with us from Friday through Tuesday.

 

And now today we found out that the social worker got the approval to move him in with us on Monday (the 15th), which is also MLK Jr. Day, so I am off of work.

 

Not sure what else I might have missed…A has turned a new leaf since he is back at the daycare he started off in.  The papers they send home with him showing his behavior have Good circled every day.  J is another story.  He was put on Adderall at least while he is at school and supposedly he’s better and can focus more while it’s in his system, but he still gives us so much trouble.  Mom tried watching him more than once during holidays and she says he just will not listen to her.  If she tells him no for anything, he will just go to my dad who lets him do whatever.

Getting better little bit by little bit

A has been doing “okay” and “good” in daycare, according to the paper he now brings home each day in his homework folder (along with homework, which is new).  J was not having good days at all.  One week, his teacher called every day but one, and even on the day she didn’t call he still had a note home.  Last Saturday, my niece/goddaughter had a birthday party at the zoo and my nephew had a sleepover with the boys since my niece had all the girls over.  So all week we were telling the boys they needed to have good days at school if they wanted to go.  All week, J was still having bad days…until his last chance on Friday.  He got purple, which is the best color he could get and means he had an awesome day.  (Monday and Tuesday of this week he’s had blue, the second best color).  Saturday night wasn’t too pretty though.  My mom called me Saturday night.  Dad had asked how they were doing.  A said he didn’t like it with us because we spank him and, apparently, J backed him up.  So we drove over there to have a talk with them.  J would only say that he didn’t like lying when asked why he lied.  A did not want to answer either, but finally when I told him he had to come back home with us if he didn’t, he said that he lied because he wants to go back to grandma’s (where they used to live).  And after talking to their therapist Monday (I let the therapist, our social worker, and their worker all know in case they tried to lie again), I found out J had been telling her things like my husband pulls on his ears and that we won’t let him brush their teeth (lies) and that he wants to go back to the foster family that had them the two weeks they weren’t with us (even though they weren’t any better there either).  Apparently they figured out that if they get us in trouble they can get moved, though it wouldn’t be to their grandma’s or to the previous foster family.  The therapist said maybe they had less rules in those places and that’s why they wanted to go there.  She said when she’s talked to J about who his mom and dad are our names were the ones he used.  So they have shown improvement, but then there’s the lies.  Hopefully they’ll keep improving and forget about the lies.

And they are back

Long story short, the boys are back with us as of yesterday.  From what I’ve heard their behavior hasn’t improved any, so hopefully we can change that this time around.

Gone away

A week ago from this past Friday our boys left us.  They were almost with us for 8 months.  I know their behaviors got under our skin at times, but they were like our own children and we will miss them.  And I guess I will leave it at that.

Kindergarten tomorrow

Well we thought we knew where we were going to send the kids to for a new daycare.  J starts kindergarten tomorrow in the town where we live so we will be changing daycare for A and J will be able to go there for after school.  There was one that, on their website, it said transportation was provided from the elementary.  When the case worker was getting J enrolled she found out they don’t provide transportation.  I called.  Apparently when the bus routes changed this year, that stopped and they did not update the website yet.  I was able to find another daycare, though, less than half a mile from the school (0.3 mi) that has their own van they use to pick the kids up and they even close at 6 pm.  Husband did the tour today and turns out I have a cousin who works there.  So tomorrow morning we are supposed to go to elementary to find out who J’s teacher is, etc.  Making this their last day at the current daycare.  Hopefully they like this one, because these boys can be a handful when they want to be.

Sunday therapy, anyone?

You know you’ve got a therapist who cares when, after you’ve been texting with her on a Sunday, she calls and volunteers to stop by.  Last Thursday I found scribbling on the wall above A’s bed.  I painted it over and he promised to not do it again.  Hmph.  Sunday, J came and told us that A did it again.  He took J’s dry erase board (because J didn’t want to be friends with him) that the therapist had given them each one of and he broke the magnets off of the back.  He took his dry erase marker and scribbled, above J’s bed this time.  I tried getting answers but he gave me 3 different ones before I gave up and told him to do time out in his room.  He was tired (no, he wasn’t; they wake themselves up on the weekend when they are ready and it was still morning).  He was hungry (he had already had a banana, besides if you are hungry just COME TELL US NOT DRAW ON THE WALL!).  He didn’t want to go to school (drawing on the wall will not get you out of daycare, besides it’s a weekend).

Meanwhile, J was doing their thing of mumbling/talking low so we can’t hear.  Husband asks him to talk louder.  Asks if he should speak louder all the time or when he (J) feels like it,  to which J replies When I feel like it.

When confronted by therapist, A says he doesn’t like living here and wants to go back to Maw Sally’s.  Have to try to convince him that making bad choices does not equal going back there, besides he’s not going back there.  Period.

J should be starting kindergarten next week.  Think A is having a hard time with that also.

Meanwhile, grandpa who was supposed to be taking custody of them is going to have to be investigated because of accusations of sexual abuse made by J in therapy.