Well we still have the boys. A turned four last month and we threw him a party. His grandpa and gf were there, and also my nieces and nephew, mom, and my sister (and me and the hubs). It was minion themed and his first party ever. So now they are both four years old until later this month when J makes 5.
Still no visits from bio mom. Though they don’t even ask for her. I heard them referring to her while talking to each other the other day…by calling her by her first name. The last time A said he wants to go home husband asked him where home is. He said his grandpa and grandma t (instead of the usual miss t, then had to correct himself).
Social worker said bio mom is wanting to sign rights over to a relative but that she didn’t get the name and is not able to get in touch with her right now. She is supposed to have a home visit with her thursday and said she hopes that she is there. This was at one of the two visits we had in less than a week. We had April’s visit Thursday last week…then yesterday (Monday) morning she sent a text she would be doing her monthly visit. She said there are new rules saying they had to try to get visits done the first couple of weeks.
The boys have an eye appointment tomorrow and someone is supposed to assess them tomorrow afternoon regarding counselling. So we will see.
Grandpa said he’d cleared it with the boys’ worker so not this weekend but the weekend before, the boys went to sleep for the weekend. Then Saturday, J was sick and feverish and throwing up during the day. And by that night they asked us to meet them at the e.r. where we found out it was hand, foot, and mouth. The call we’d gotten was after midnight and we didn’t get home until after 5 a.m. They spent the rest of the weekend there and we got A back to hopefully keep him from getting sick by separating them. No go. Wednesday the school called me at work to say he woke up from nap with the bumps and they didn’t want anyone else to catch it. So he went back to grandpa’s and we were back to one child again. And of course, toward the end of the week (and still now) I had to come down with something, sinus or allergies or something but I’ve got congestion and coughing and my upper lip swollen from fever blisters. Friday (A missed because he wasn’t in school) was a pajama party at daycare. Tomorrow is their easter party, for which I had to bring for them each 6 filled plastic eggs. I am off Friday and no school Friday for Good Friday. Easter this weekend and A’s birthday next weekend. So busy, busy.
It’s looking like counseling might be needed for the boys. Something is needed. Last Thursday, A spit at his teacher and tried to hit her with a shoe. After assuring me he would be good the next day, I get a call that Friday to let me know he scratched up another kid pretty badly and that something would have to be done. But then we were told they were good Monday and Tuesday…until yesterday. Wednesday they both acted out. J punched a kid in the stomach and A hit a teacher and yelled at another. And then when told something by my husband yesterday, A said he’d just run away. He’s only 3 years old (4 next month). He even repeated that he’d run away when we tried calling his grandpa and putting him on speaker phone. I asked him later to please not run away, that I would be sad and miss him. He said okay he wouldn’t.
Not sure what to use as a title so I just typed whatever.
When I contacted the social worker yesterday to find out if bio mom scheduled a visit for today she asked if (by request of the foster mom with baby brother) the visit could be changed from afternoons to mornings. And she said that bio mom had contacted her to schedule this week’s visit. Husband had the day off so he brought them.
But what was not cool was that yesterday, during her visit, the worker told them that they would get to see mom (today). They have been with us since January 24th and have not seen her once. Not at the one scheduled visit or at the Family Planning Meeting. But she went ahead and told them she’d be there. (Which, in turn, caused 4-year old to not be able to fall asleep.) I was thinking to not tell them until this morning maybe on the way there. They would surely ask where we were going.
And, of course, she was a no show. (My) Husband said paternal grandpa was there. That he (along with an aunt) is interested in adopting the boys (except that the younger bro in another home is not related to him and still needing a DNA test). He’s gotten his background check and is waiting to start taking certification classes like we had to. Since we are going to have to be re-licensed by May, the worker asked if we would want to adopt them if the other people interested didn’t work out. So we will see.
Found bio mom’s facebook. She posted, on the same day as a court date that I wonder if she even attended, that she is engaged. To the same man her children are afraid of because, they said, he hit them with a baseball bat. Also said he and another man beat their mom. Way to pick a winner. Also heard from them that they’ve seen one of their grandpas (but not really, just married to a grandma so maybe a step-grandpa??) naked in bed with a grandma and he needs a haircut because he has “hairy boobies”. And that the same grandma uses a belt when they are bad because she has lots and lots of belts. And that the step (?) grandpa uses a paddle. I let them see Karate Kid (first two) over the weekend and 4-year old said I will be Daniel and told his bro he could be a bad guy…to which he says he’d be the man (won’t mention any names) with a baseball bat. They are scared of him but she’s supposed to be marrying him. Also found out he’s a dealer. And deceased father’s sister, on facebook, claimed that social worker told her if the bio mom would leave him she’d get the kids back.
So anyway, they “helped” cut the grass a couple days ago and we had a weiner roast. They really enjoyed that.
Long post, guess I’ll go ahead and wrap it up for now.
Yesterday was our first Family Planning Meeting. Or, at least, it was supposed to be. We showed up with the boys, the other foster mother and their younger brother were there, a representative from legal services, and the social worker were there. No one from the boys’ family was there. We were supposed to do a visit after, so of course that didn’t happen either. I found out that at the one visit that has actually happened, it was only a grandmother that showed; their mom hadn’t gone to that either.
And I found out some info from the other foster mother. We knew that the two we have share a (deceased) father and the (now) two-month old brother needs a DNA test done to determine paternity. But she told us the bio mom has 7 boys total. The four older siblings have been adopted. And she’d heard she wants to try again for a girl. Maybe she doesn’t show because she figures she will lose custody of the younger three too or maybe she doesn’t care, I don’t know. There is a paternal aunt looking to foster them, but she didn’t get fingerprinting done in time for her background check because of a hysterectomy so it might be at least another 6 weeks or more. I just hope, somehow, things can turn out okay for these boys. No child deserves all this.
Well, out of the last 3 weeks (when the visits were supposed to start), the kids have only had one visit. The social worker told me that the second week, bio mom contacted her too late to schedule the visit and this week she didn’t even contact her. Next week, though, they will have a Family Planning Meeting and try to do a visit after that. And they have a doctor’s visit that afternoon, so looks like no “school” that day. Then the Monday after that our worker wants to meet to work on our re-certification (already? we got certified in November) and Legal Services called wanting to schedule a meeting between the lawyer and the boys before their next court date. So we are going to be busy busy.
I tried getting more info on the kids from their case worker when she came for her visit last night. There is another boy (not sure who he is with, never asked) who’s younger. Sounds like the two older ones share a (now deceased) father and the other child she said they will have to do a DNA test to find out who he is. So I asked her does that mean there is no father figure in the picture and she said yes (there isn’t one).
Still don’t know how long they will end up being with us, but their worker said that the family that was supposed to be taking them in didn’t get the fingerprinting done in time so it will be at least another 6 weeks. They will also have to get certified in foster care to be able to have them so by the time the process is over, there’s no telling how long it will be.
Tomorrow is a month that they’ve been with us.
Well, the boys had their visit last Thursday. And since then, the 3 year old uses his mom as an excuse to not listen/throw fits when we tell him to do or not do or stop doing something. He’ll say things like I’m telling or I’m going home or just bring up his mom. Like when I tried telling him he couldn’t have a cookie if he didn’t listen so he told me that his mom has cookies and she will bring him some. Or like when he said he was going home and his brother tried telling him (again) that they can’t go home yet because their mom is “sick” so he said he could just stay with his grandma or uncle or whoever. I did let the social worker know and she said she can have a talk with him and let his mom know. Hopefully he snaps out of it and learn it is getting him nowhere.
I didn’t ask why, but the social worker told me they wouldn’t be having a visit this week.
Yesterday was valentine’s day, not that you could’ve told it in my house (much). We had to go visit my family so I could get some mail that was delivered to the old house. Of course the boys had to go see all the cows up close. They had a good time. Dad hadn’t met them yet. Then we went to McDonald’s after so they could eat supper and play a bit before we went home. There was hardly a soul to be found there. I guess McDonald’s wasn’t fancy enough for people to go for Valentine’s Day. Oh, well. The boys did bring home cards they’d made and candy from daycare, but I put them away so they don’t eat it all at once. They make sure, though, to ask for some candy (when they are not asking for a cookie). And of course, every day after “school” when we leave to go home at least one of them has to ask if we can go to McDonald’s…or Burger King, since I’ve gone there a few times because of the cheap chicken nuggets. I have to keep explaining that we can’t go every day, that it costs money. Sometimes they seem to be making progress in listening, sometimes they forget. It’s been 3 weeks, though, so we just have to learn to be patient with them.